1. |
Kiki's Deliveroo Service
01:05
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Kiki's Deliveroo, where are you?
You've got some food to deliver.
Kiki's Deliveroo, where are you?
Uber Cat Bus don't deliver pizza.
Kiki's Deliveroo, I see you!
My order's now in your bindle.
On the map I see, you've flown straight pass me.
Come back now, or I've been swindled.
You know you've got a delivery for me and Totoro, we're waiting for our snacks.
Please come back!
'cause Kiki if you don't come through, Deliveroo will have to cancel your zero hour contract!
YIKES!
Kiki's Deliveroo, I see you!
Your cat hair is all over my pizza.
I'll write you a bad review Kiki's Deliveroo
You're the worst animated character since Scrappy Doo now!
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2. |
Dennis the Menace
02:47
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My friend adores, his pet Labrador
but this dog and I, don't see eye to eye.
His name's Dennis, he's a menace.
He attacked me once, on the way to play tennis.
He went for my balls; they're precious to me.
New balls please.
A walk in the park, things soon went dark.
So we took off his lead; he did another misdeed.
In lightning speed, a lady's lunch he did feed.
With her wrap on the floor, my friend's said he's done this before.
He once stole a fisherman's fish.
He stole his dish.
That's a naughty Dennis.
When Dennis was little, we used to be mates.
Then he tried to eat the glasses off my face.
He wouldn't stop; I cried for help.
Everybody laughed at my pathetic yelps.
I may be a geek
but he's a BEAST!
Please let me live in peace.
Oh yeah, let me do some funky bass lines.
I should be in the Chilli Peppers.
A BBQ with Dennis, he'll be eyeing up my steak.
and then the drool, comes down his face.
I offered him a Pringle, but it was too late
He was under the table and grabbed my plate.
He once almost ate,
an entire chocolate cake,
This dog's a nutcase.
And now Dennis, sees a dog therapist
To rid his demons, he'll need a dog exorcist.
I hope he finds some inner zen.
So I'll no longer scream:
NO STOP IT, DEN!
I hope he becomes a good boy, just like Lassie.
Or I'll have to flee the COUINTRY!
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3. |
Hawkman
01:21
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Emperor Ming, see you later!
Gonna hit the skies.
Gonna hit the skies.
Changes in the earth's atmosphere.
Solar eclipse so unfamiliar.
Flash can't get used to this.
Gordon's alive, so my boys will dive.
Stick around, if you know what I mean.
Professor Zarkov said never work with George Lucas,
but a proud Gungan I'll always be.
I'm a flying Hawkman.
My tiny shorts are tight on.
Flying gives me a sore bum.
My voice is loud and scary.
My legs are far too hairy.
Ming should be weary.
We've got Flash in the front.
Prince Barin in the back.
Singing together, giving a DUMB OLD BIRD A SECOND CHANCE.
Come on, DIVE MY HAWKMEN.
I'm a flying Hawkman.
Underneath the hot sun.
Ming's days are done.
WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER ANYWAY!
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4. |
Paddington 2
02:00
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To me you're perfect like the film Paddington 2,
There's nothing I wouldn't change about you.
You could give me a hard stare,
I wouldn't care.
You're unusually attractive like Hugh Grant dressed as a nun.
I knew you were the one.
I always defend you like the Pixar film Cars 2.
It's not worse than the first one, the critics are WRONG!
If you became annoying like Mater;
I wouldn't say, 'See you later'.
You give me a grin, as wide as Radiator Springs.
You are my soul mate-er.
To me you're hilarious like the film Zoolander 2.
An unpopular opinion: disagreed by MILLIONS!
I've only ever seen it once;
that was enough.
You saw the film and asked if I was on crazy pills?
Admit it, you liked it when Justin Bieber got killed.
You'll never waste my time like Fast and Furious 9.
The worse film by far. As bad as DUDE,WHERE'S MY CAR!
I prefer the Pixar car flicks,
they're more realistic.
Vin Diesel isn't a great talker.
I love you as much as he loves Paul Walker.
We'll always be Family.
To me you're perfect like the film Paddington 2,
There's nothing I wouldn't change about you.
If we got engaged,
our cake would be made of marmalade.
Not 'cause of Paddington but because you're a vegan.
The wedding would be a delightful evening.
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5. |
Man in Red
02:25
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This policy of Austerity has been hell to me.
I've been walking the bread line since the mid to late 00s.
Since June Carter died, I had to pay the nasty bedroom tax.
I've got so many bills to pay, I'm no longer the man in the black.
All my tax credits,
have been slashed.
Will the government ever get it?
The people need more Johnny CASH.
Yeah, I hear you.
When I was the man in black I had never heard of a food bank.
I used to eat barbecue chicken at the June Carter family ranch.
Now, I can't afford 3 Hot Wings from KFC.
I shot a man in Tescos just to steal a tin of peas.
Should I stay?
or should I go?
But I'm not the Clash.
My name is JOHNNY CASH.
AND I DON'T PLAY BY ANY RULES!
As a wanted man, I had a plan, I went to my friend Mick Hucknall's house.
Being in Simply Red must mean he shares my socialist beliefs.
I said, 'I wear the red to inspire those folks that hope still exists'.
Mick said, 'Get off my property, you dirty communist!'
I wasn't born with a silver spoon.
I was born as a boy called Sue.
The man in black may be dead
but he's coming back.
The people need the man in the red.
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Grant Curnow Manchester, UK
Grant Curnow is an alternative comedian/ tragic novelty folk singer – amateur time lord. Based in Manchester, Grant has
performed 3 full length shows at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival as part of the PBH Fringe.
Grant is always found with a ukulele and his trusted comedy sidekick, Mini Dalek.
Salvador Dalek EP will be released via Seahouse Records on March 31st.
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